optimism
June 19, 2003 - 8:38 pm


I'm feeling a little bit more optimistic about my future. Not sure what brought it on, I just suddenly feel a bit happier. Not completely, but a bit. I'll be able to get a flat by myself and not worry about female invasion. I'll be able to go out and get drunk every single night should I wish to do so. I'll be able to have whoever I want whenever I want (obviously if they are in agreement). It should be nothing but goodness.

I realise that I can't go out into the world already thinking that I'm going to fail. That I'll be outcasted for my sexual preference, beliefs and opinionated honesty. I know that positivity is the only way to get by. I'm just too sensitive. I went through my childhood being beaten by my father, chastised and unloved by my mother, bullied incessantly by other children - not caring about what they thought of me. And I still don't really care. If people don't like who I am, that's hardly my problem and I won't change to suit society's standards. What bothers me is that non-bigotry doesn't really exist in this town. Open minds are few and far between. I know I'm not a freak and that I have a lot to offer the world and people... I'm just in the wrong place to be offering it.

Though, inkeeping with the positivity, maybe wrong isn't the right word to use; just not ideal. I have stuff to offer this town... I should change the environment around me before I conquor bigger places. Yes, that's a good plan.

So is getting well and truely fucked. Hmmm...

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all words �NFH 2003
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